Many of us learned that love was conditional. We had to work for it since we were children.
Many of us had to perform, to prove we were ‘good,’ or we had to completely deny our own emotions in order to cope with our environment.
We learned that love or approval could leave at any moment.
So, we learned to state our case. To over explain. To over apologize.
We learned to rationalize our ‘why’ + attempt to make another person see our side of things because at our core we are afraid. Afraid of being abandoned.
I often find myself over-explaining or wanting to over explain myself. I witness my mind coming up with dozens of reasons to support my “case” when I set a boundary. I witness myself reading a comment about me or my work online + I see my mind desperate to defend the truth as I see it.
I see my inner child afraid that not good enough. This is when we default to defense + explanation.
This is the best time to practice.
The truth is we do not need to defend our worth. We do not need to defend our truth. We do not need to apologize for our limits, our needs, our ambition, or dreams, or our desires— even when it brings up insecurities in those around us.
With healing, with developed self-trust + confidence comes less explaining + more BEING. Sovereign being.
Some reminders when you feel the urge to over-explain:
- Boundaries are your right. People who guilt or shame you for your boundaries are struggling with their own abandonment wounding
- Your reality + truth is always valid— simply because you’ve experienced it
- People project their own sense of self + unresolved pain onto others (this is part of the human experience) personalizing this pain is a choice that can be un-learned
- People with high self worth respect the needs of others— because they respect their own needs
- Inner child wounding can create a scenario where 2 adults become children: practice self forgiveness + grace