Childhood trauma is also:
NOT BEING SEEN OR HEARD: Our core human needs are to be seen, heard, + authentically expressed as we are. If we had stressed, overworked, distracted parents (who were deeply struggling themselves) these emotional needs aren’t met. We begin to deny/betray parts of who we actually are in an attempt to get love or approval. As adults this creates a fear of criticism, disconnection from intuition, + confusion around who we actually are.
HAVING A PARENT FIGURE DENY YOUR REALITY: As children, we experience events very differently than adults. When we share our experience with parent figures + they tell us “it wasn’t that bad” or “that didn’t really happen,” we begin to no longer trust ourselves. We start to outsource our reality to people around us. As adults this relationships where we feel “crazy” or unsure or what’s real.
BEING TOLD DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY YOU CAN’T OR SHOULDN’T EXPERIENCE CERTAIN EMOTIONS: Sounds like— “man up’ “don’t cry” “don’t be dramatic” “stop being so sensitive.” We become conditioned to believe emotions are ‘bad’ + need to be denied to repressed in order to make others comfortable.
HAVING A PARENT FIGURE WHO CAN’T REGULATE THEIR EMOTIONS: looks like— a parent figure who becomes easily overwhelmed + screams, engages in “ghosting” or silent treatment, or uses substances/food/romantic relationships to cope. As children, we need our parent figures to model how to feel ‘big’ emotions. If we don’t get this, we adapt similar coping mechanisms they did.
~ Dr. Nicole LePera, Aka “The Wholistic Psychologist”