courage stone
I flopped down on the couch
after getting the text from my former
lawyer
about that email she claims she sent me
but never actually did
and right then – thats when, it starts to hit me:
the panic. Like a sudden choke from no where.
because – I think – right before the panic,
I feel – touch –
relief.
Relief?
There
is no
relief. . . .
there’s only the next worst-thing. . . .
and so,
suddenly
-which is always-
it feels harder to breathe.
even though im laying
all shavansa on the sofa
and should be breathing freely
but NO – im not
because whenever I get up,
and whenever I see color again
and whenever I smell joy around the bend
between all these crazy-town trees
I get scared
and I run.
and as soon as I became self-aware
that I was thinking those thoughts
I heard your voice pop in. As it does,
daily, on the right side. My Strong
side. Like you always are.
Like I always hear
every damn day
but the words
were different
You said
“This… is my
courage stone.
This is not my
_______ stone.
It is my
courage stone.”
and holding it out
you
bowed on it
smiled into it
breathed light within it
held it out to me,
placed into my palm
and disappeared.
and I looked down
and saw that my palm
was empty
❤️