August 19, 2021
Dude. It’s really late.
Do you know time it is?
Are you ok?
Ok ok –
how can I help you
I can’t do that
Are you in danger?
Dammit…. NO ONE? Alright. Got me
right in the Achillees with that
rescue shit. Damn you. I’ll now
grab my armor and sword and
mount my steed at once to save
PLEASE help me.
Where are you?
Ok, I’m here, you’re saved.
Nice way to shit talk my car earlier
to make yourself look above me
in front of the lot attendant, btw.
Where’s all the bad guys?
I don’t see any of them, nor
are there any harmful conditions.
Are you not in danger? It sure
sounded like you were… Hold on.
Ahhhh. Ok ok. I see what this is.
I suspected as much, actually. So.
Now – I will show you, for the first time,
a mans strength. AND make a mental note that I shouldn’t be here at ALL but here we are
Yep, I see you.
I do. (Do you see yourself?)
Yeah, I can see you need that sorta thing…
(Let’s not kid ourselves about who is the addict
and who is the drug in tonight’s scenario)
Alright, junkie. I’ll play this time. It will be good
for you to see how you cant. Always. Get.
What you waaaaant. *sings like Mick Jagger*
Also: you’re a shitty actress and your actual drunk
level is like a 3/10, not 9.5/10 like youre insisting it is. Do you think that’s going to help or something? Encourage me to be more aggressive? Are you aware of how how shady AF and duplicitous and untrustworthy you are? Do you hear yourself talking about how much you want to fuck your boss even though he’s an unattractive fat fuck but Jesus CHRIST he’s so rich he is a millionaire and he is an older man he is in your office and it turns you on to where are you literally start craving his dick – aloud?
Bring it on. You will lose.
*clears his throat*
You look very nice.
And your outfit is very on point for
a young lady of your generation and a mere
mere 13 years my younger. Perhaps a bit too
revealing with your jean rip locations, but who
am i to judge how a courtesan should sell her thighs?
I’m just a 1st wave milleniall, afterall – what do i know?
Thanks but – I’ll pass.
Well, I am a man. As you can clearly see
due to the tent I have evidently pitched
underneath a vast denim canopy….
which you’ve already hinted at wanting to see
and have tried to grab
Nope. I believe you
when you say
that your nipples
Jeez… really? You’re gonna go there?
Just pull the barn door down like that
and let the ladies breathe in the open?
dude wtf – is this some kinda nursing
school lecture about the diveristy of nipple
Hey – those are great.
Chin up. Unique, yes. But great.
Done. You can put them away now.
*checks to confirm the time of impending Uber arrival*
I’ll explore youuuu. (You lose, biaaaatch. But we can laugh about this tomorrow. I won’t judge. And it’ll be a great insight into areas of needed work on BOTH our parts)
is Herbal Essence still a thing?
oh you’re sobering up? Fantastic!
is my Uber here yet? Great. Thanks.
wait – you’re getting a lip job on Monday?
Well thats just dumb and sad and vain AF but farewell to
your lips forever, I guess. Adios, labios. And ya know what – I’m now intrigued by the fact they’ll be forever changed. Gone forever. Shouldn’t they be properly sent off?
well that escalated quickly.
*kisses back and simultaneously births one hell of a true life quixotic tale and lesson for his own personal awareness*
And guess what, Princess. Not only is this experience extremely disappointing and lacking of any essence if soul, but….
2 minutes till the Uber gets here.
lolllllllllzzzzzzz u lose
*lets himself lean into it for the sprint to finish and places all inner-strength reserves on defcon 1*
I can make it I can make it
i cannn maaakkkee itttt and DAMN I forgot how gross it feels kissing lips empty of spark and soul, thanks for being a karmic lesson lab gracey facey boy did I learn one tonight and sorry mah Dick ol pal I’ll make it up to ya one day you’ll see
I do. goodness.
and, like, seriously
that moaning is
a biiiiiiiiiiit dramatic
for a soulless kiss
which at this point
serves as creator of a sadly hilarious
true life story, lesson, and morale booster
for my own. damn. strong. victorious.
SELF. (and I’m shocked at myself for thinking that maybe new lips would somehow help your lack of technique and tact) and oh! Theres my Uber. Gotta jet. Oh yes I’m quite serious. That’s been my repeated point all along. Haven’t I made it clear to -repeatedly- over the course of this entire odd interaction? What, did you think I was just full of shit or something? That id cave???? Lolllzzzz
hey – why are you still
grabbing for my crotch.
Bro. no im not joking i
seriously am leaving
I will not.
Fuck YOU, my friend. Drink lots of water before you go to bed.
© Charlie Young, 2021.