Kamikaze Kacey: A #HeToo Story [Part 2]

Kamikaze Kacey: A #HeToo Story [Part 2]


*** This story (like all of Charlie’s people stories) is 100% true. Only the names have been changed for privacy ***

Continued from Kamikaze Kacey: A #HeToo Story [Part 1]

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Part Two: The Silver Lot

It was well after 1 AM by the time I arrived at Kacey’s location (that pin she sent me on Maps app). 

I found myself in a trendy urban city center. Right in the middle of it. But the streets were empty, al the lights were off, and the place was a ghost town.  

I let out a big, annoyed sigh. I was already tired. But, I was also focused, with intentions set, and there was one thing on my mind: accomplish the mission. Endure with Samson-strength (hello, self delusion) whatever situation I’m about walk into just long enough to get Kacey safely into an Uber, and sent home (disappointed, the cherry on top). It’s a simple enough task, but when you’re dealing with Kacey, you know that there are all kinds of shenanigans up her sleeve. You have to be ready for anything, and to expect the craziest of things. 

 “Where the hell are you, Kacey….” I mumbled, reaching for my phone. 

“Are you here?” she answered. 

“Yes.”

“I don’t see you…” 

“I’m at the pin you sent me,” I snapped. Whoa, I told myself. Reign it in. I know you’re annoyed, but you’re almost done. “Kacey, I’m at the exact spot you sent me on the map. Where are YOU?”

“Come to the parking garage,” she softly says. 

“What??”

“See the parking garage?” she asks. 

I look in front of me. Parking garage. I look to the left. Another parking garage. And to the right. And behind. Parking garage, parking garage. 

“Kacey. There are a shit ton of parking garages around here.” 

“Haha yeah sorry, you’re totally right – there are. Ummmmmm It’s the one on your left after you pull into the town center.”

“I see it.” 

“Ok great,” she says. “Just pull into the garage you’ll see me.”

“Alright,” I mutter. “On my way.”

I toss the phone into the passenger seat, and drag my hands down my face, groaning into my palms. This is so dumb, I think. And…. If she’s so “blackout drunk”…. Why isn’t she slurring her words? How is she texting me so fluidly? What in the world is really going on? 

I put my car in the park and start heading for the parking garage on the left. I see an entrance with a big sign above it: “Silver Lot”. Well, that’s the one on the left, I tell myself, and I pull in to Level One of the Silver Lot.

The Silver Lot was huge. It could’ve fit 500 cars. But there was not a single car in the lot. And it was so eerie. Where was everyone? I mean, this town center (from all outside appearances) is a very hip and bustling area, with trendy bars and restaurants…… but there’s not a single car here. 

“Come on, Kacey…” I grunted aloud. “I’m too old for this shit.” 

I creep my car forward, looking around. The place was absolutely empty. I turned my car off and rolled my window down. Nothing. Just the hum of the bright white fluorescent lights overhead. 

“Hellooooo?” I shout into the emptiness. 

Nothing. 

“KAAAAACCEEEYYYYYY…..”

Nothing. 

I was starting to get pissed. I was beginning to feel very, very inconvenienced. I get back into my car and slam the door. “I didn’t sign up for this,” I grumble, reaching for the phone. 

“Hiiiii….” Kacey answered, flirtatiously. “Are you heeeeere?”

“Kacey. I’m here. But you’re not. Where the fuck are you.”

“Are you on Level Two? That’s where I am. Level Two. Just drive up to Level 2 and you’ll see me.”

“Did you hear me yelling a few minutes ago?” I asked.

“What?” She said. 

“Nevermind.” I end the call and head for the ramp to Level 2 of the Silver Lot. 

It took me a while, but I found it, and started making my way up. 

I pulled up the ramp and expected to see her there. And surprise surprise guess what? Not a car in sight up here, either. And no Kacey. I do several laps, covering all areas of level two. And still, I find nothing. I see nothing. I hear nothing. 

So, just in case, I go back down the ramp, searching high and low in level one again. Nothing. I go back up the ramp, up to level two, and stop my car outside the exit elevator. Maybe that’s where she will be coming out of, I think. 

I was reaching for my phone to call Kacey when suddenly, the inside of my car starts swirling and twirling with hues of red and blue lights. “Are you kidding me….” I say as I look into my review mirror….and see a kid in a golf cart. With emergency lights. Apparently I was getting “pulled over” …..on Level Two…. of the Silver Lot parking garage.

A young, shrill post-pubescent voice suddenly cracks the 2am silence and echoes through the parking lot: “Sir! Hellooo?! SIR!!!! You are impeding the flow of traffic, Sir! Please keep your vehicle moving!”

“Oh this is rich…” I groan, and take a deep, long breath. 

“Sir! Please keep your vehicle moving! You are currently a hazard to other vehicles!”

I put my vehicle into park. 

“SIRR!!” he yells, a bit louder this time (if possible). “Sir! you may not park in the middle of the flow lane! This is the flow lane, sir, where traffic flows freely! Parking spaces are located on the left or the right!”

I turned off my car. 

“SIR!” He was out of his cart now, marching straight towards me.  

I rolled my window down and motioned the young man over. 

He arrived at my window with a huff and a puff. His breathing was rapid, his face was stern as if he were battling his fiercest foe, and sweat beads were forming at the top of his forehead. By all appearances, the kid looked 18 or 19; no older. He had longinsh scraggly brown hair, and thick rimmed glasses. The kid was wearing a black suit and tie with a white pressed shirt, a very professional “Men In Black” kinda vibe. There was a badge pinned to his pocket, a 5 pointed star with a circle around it that said: “Security” My intuition told me that this is a good responsible kid, who takes his job very seriously, thanks to his Autism.

I greeted him with a polite smile and calm tone. “Good morning, officer.”

I didn’t get a smile (or calm tone) in return. “I’m gonna need you to move your car, sir.” 

“I understand,” I said calmly. “Whats your name, son?”

“Adam,” he said. And proudly, “I’m responsible for the safety of all these people.” 

I stuck my head out of my window like a turtle stretching his neck outside his shell. All these people??? For real? I slowly (and dramatically) turned and looked left. Adam followed my gaze. I slowly and dramatically turned and looked right. Adam followed again.

“Hey Adam,” I said. “I can tell you’re really great at your job. You are following your orders exactly as they were given to you. And I appreciate you doing such a fine work of keeping all of us safe.” 

Tension drained from his face. “Why, thank you, sir. So do you think you could -“

“And Adam… I’m struggling here, pal…. do you see anyone else here besides me?” 

“Well not at the moment, sir, but -”

“Anyone else down in Level One?”

“Well, no sir but – “

“Anyone driving around outside on the streets?”

“No sir but still you – “

“Adam, it’s now after 2am on a weeknight. And I’ve been in this parking garage for the past 15 minutes. I’ve driven from every in of both levels, twice. And I haven’t seen a single soul. Have you?”

“Well, no sir but my job is to – “

“So Adam, the thing is, I’m not trying to be a jerk, or rude, or difficult. I’m really not. And I know you aren’t either. I’m not trying to make your job difficult. I don’t even want to be here right now; id rather be back in my bed. I’m sure you’d rather be home too.”

“Well, actually sir -“

“See, the thing is, Adam – I have a friend who is trouble right now. She is drunk, alone, and she needs our help. She called, and sent me here to pick her up. And the only reason I’m here is because I’ve gotta find her, and help get her home. She told me she’d be here, right here, at the top of Level 2.”

“But…” Adam began, gazing around to the left and the right, “There’s no one else here, sir.”

No shit, Sherlock. “Precisely, Adam. It sure seems that way, doesn’t it pal. We seem to be in quite a pickle.”

I reached for my phone. “So, Adam. What I’d like to do now, with your permission, is to call her, and find out where the hell she is. And that way, both of us can get outta here. Sound good?”

“Sounds good, sir. I can help you find her.” 

“Great, Adam! You truly are fantastic at your job.” 

“Thank you, sir…” Adam said, grinning and unconsciously thumbing his security badge while looking back at his shiny twinkling golf cart. And then, just like that, Adam remembered – “SIR! It truly a DOUBLE hazard parking in the flow lane AND talking on the phone! Please pull into the parking spot on your right!”

I exhaled, and smiled. “Alright, partner. Will do. And, Adam?”

“Sir?” Quietly this time. 

“After I park my car, let’s find this drunk idiot, send her on her way, and then get ourselves safely home. Yeah?”

“Let do it, sir!” Adam exclaimed, and trotted back to his golf cart.


To be continued…..

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© Charlie Young, 2021.





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