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Continued from Part 2
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Ch.3
Going into this “group meditation” thingie, I was feeling a bit apprehensive. I had no idea what to expect. None of my ego’s projections helped, either. Light healing??? I didn’t have a clue what that was, or what it meant.
More than anything, I was worried about what all of the other people in my personal “community“ (or “tribe“) would think about what I was doing. This was downright “wrong.” Disloyal. I mean, after all, I am [was] a lifelong Evangelical Christian. Vernacular like “light workers“ and “angel guides“ and “channeling“ and “the collective” smacked (to my fundamentalist ears) of occultist black magic and New Age juju, teachings and practices considered as “heresy” (or even demonic). Those within my self-identified Christian community (which included practically everyone (from family to friends) would question not just my actions of being here, but question my entire identity. “Who are you? I don’t even know you anymore.”
Personally, I think (I know) that most people don’t have a friggin clue as to what they’re talking about. They think they do, though, via their own personal experiences.
And that can be dangerous way of establishing ones “reality”
But – I couldn’t deny what had happened during my craniosacral therapy appointment. I couldn’t deny what I saw and what I experienced. I couldn’t deny what surfaced, and what my intuition told me about it, and what I knew in my bones to be true. While I have always been an intuitive person (with several eye-opening experiences before that one) I had never – in my life – had a dream or vision on the level of intensity as that Craniosacral Therapy appointment before. (Thats not true – Golf Cart night was way stronger. But thats another story, for another time)
Never, that is, until this group meditation.
The “light workers circle“ met each Wednesday on Zoom for a two-hour group meditation. It was an interesting, eclectic group of people. Members of the circle came from all walks of life, all kinds of different backgrounds. Ages ranged from 20 to 78. A splattering of spiritual perspectives and personal beliefs. Old and young. Male and Female. Novices, practitioners, and sages. All gathered together.
The session began with each person introducing themselves. Each person was a fairly experienced “light worker“ and regular attender to the group meeting.
This was my first time attending. Rebecca, my new craniosacral therapist friend, invited me. I’ve never been a part of anything like this before. Every spiritual “group meeting“ that I had ever been to involved the reading/studying the Bible, talking about God or Jesus, and praying together (and maybe some music…maybe.)
I felt out of my league.
The meeting began. The group facilitator, a “light healer” with a fairly significant following, began by welcoming everyone.
“Let’s begin by going around and everyone introducing themselves. Please tell us your name and your current location ….”
Whew. Sounds easy enough.
“……Also, please indicate if you have a spirit animal or ancestral totem, and if you have a spirit guide present with you…”
WTF
“…. and, if possible, let us know where you are currently located in the astral plain.”
Yep, I’m definitely gonna lose friends and family over this if “my people” find out.
They’d cast me outside the camp. They’d crucify me.
How the hell do I answer these strange questions? Several others went first, and I listened (which didn’t help very much; it confused me even more, matter of fact). And I must be honest: all the while, I was psychoanalyzing each person as they introduced themselves, and making high—and-mighty-judgements about their person and character based on intuitive insights coming through (today I know that this was my egos response [but something much deeper & darker than merely “ego”] to these insights; he was being threatened with annihilation, and thus defended himself. The great showdown with him would come much later….)
Finally, it was my turn.
“Oh – uh, hello everyone. I’m Luke. Let’s see…. Well, this is my first time to the, uh, the “circle” time here and uh…..well, I’ve never attended anything like this before…. I was invited by Rebecca (hello Rebecca, thanks for the invite, good to see ya again) …… but I’m really honored to be here, thanks for having me…… Ummm…. Let’s see…. I’m currently located in Dallas Texas. I don’t really know anything about spirit guides or totems or ancestors or spirit animals, but…. that all sounds quite interesting. I am a very spiritual person. I’d say Jesus is kinda like my spirit guide, if I had to choose. I hadn’t heard of “light healers” until a couple of days ago (from Rebecca… thanks Rebecca) and I had pretty intense experience, which leads me here…. so Ummm lets see…and As far as where I am currently located in the, uh, “astral plain” (hope I got that right?)… well… to be honest I don’t know what that means. But, I think I’ll say, that I am currently present. I am located here. Right here. Thank you.”
It was the most ridiculous speech of my life. It felt like the first day of elementary school.
But these dudes were kind. All of them were smiling.
All, that is, except for one. There was an old woman in the group (I’d find out later that she was the mother of the group leader… her name was Donna). She had thick wiry gray hair, and a leathery, wrinkled face. Two words jumped to my mind when I saw her: “Ancient” and “Wisdom” Her eyes were dark and deep. And the way she was staring at me when I was talking – yikes. Lemme tell ya. I could sense her reading me, like a book. I could sense her seeing into me as I was talking. I understood it: I can do it, too.
Having it done to me, though, sent a cold shiver up my spine.
“We are happy you joined us, Luke,” the leader said. The group members all chimed in with their various echoes of warmth and welcome; the old woman smiled too.
The leader explained the format of the night, which felt something like: centering and prayer, group meditation about healing the collective universe, and personal meditation.
Something like that. The order is hard to remember: I would soon be “out” in a deep dream/vision.
“Lets begin, everyone,” the leader said. And the mysterious session thus began.
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We began by centering ourselves, each in our own way. (No drugs, halucinagenics, etc. Just breathing.) The group leader invited all of us to close our eyes, get centered, and imagine all of us standing in a circle. “Just let your imagination lead you,” she said (or something like that).
I closed my eyes, breathed, prayed, centered myself, and “locked in” via the way I knew to do.
And then, I began to “dream” (understatement of the century)
I suddenly found myself standing in a large circle of people. I knew intuitively it was this group, the people from this meditation. We were standing around a huge ball of light, directly in the middle of us. It was a huge sphere, or ball; a huge globe or big sun or something large. It was a huge, big ball of pure energy and love. I recognized the light; it was the same light as the light in the forest from my vision experience a few days before. It felt the same; it sounded the same. We were all surrounding it, in a big group circe. I knew via intuition that the people in the circle were the people in the group. I looked around me to get my bearings; studying the faces of the people in the circle. Many of the faces in the circle did not look like the faces of the people they were in real life (hard to explain); one of them (maybe two?) reminded me of some kind of animal. It freaked me out a bit, the realness of it. Especially the animal/huminoid ones.
A time of greeting ensued. I went around to each face, getting a sense of who they were, and greeting each person. It was very similar to the “greeting of peace” in Christian eucharistic services.
While this was taking place, I felt the presence of someone staring at me. I looked up, and across from me in the circle was Donna, the old woman. She staring at me again, with those eyes. But the eyes and the appearance had altered, slightly; deepened, even. It “looked” like her in real life, but only partially; she was transformed into something more wild, something ancient looking, something mysterious. Her hair was longer, and thiner; her body more wiry and witchy. Like something from the forest. It’s hard to explain, but she felt powerful. Ancient wisdom. Her eyes were boring into my soul again. I felt trapped.
She slowly walked directly towards me. She was not smiling. She was seeing. Right through me. I stood very still. I regurgitated my own mantras in my head and remembered my Shepherd and called to him as she approach me. She stopped, face-to-face with me. Then she took my face into her hands, and she kissed me on the lips.
It was very strange as first, and I even resisted. But in a nanosecond I realized the intention/meaning. It was completely platonic. It was not sexual at all. What immediately came to mind was the New Testament passage “Greet one another with an holy kiss.” (2 Cor. 13:12) I knew, intuitively, that that’s what this was. I have a masters degree in this dept., and ancient/early christianity was major & thesis: The “kiss of peace” mentioned by Paul in 2 Corinthians was standard practice for early Christian gatherings in the 1st – 3rd centuries. It was a means of not only recognizing others within the “body” and “family” of Christ, but ensuring that the intentions of the person joining the group were pure and “one and the same” of the rest gathered. It was even used as a “weed-out” for spies/those outside the circle of trust whom meant to harm the group and/or its reputation. The “kiss of peace” was the a gesture of “with us, not against us; we are one and the same. Peace.” It’s recognizing the other as part of you. It symbolized unity. Connection. Family. Peace and welcome.
So, I allowed it. I welcomed it. I was thankful for it.
Right after this “kiss of peace,” it was like my senses and awareness were suddenly amped up. It was like the mud in the water settled to the bottom, and things became more clear. I became more aware, more locked in, and more in tune to what was going on all around me.
And I could sense that someone very close to me was weeping.
I could feel it. Hear it, almost. I could feel another person’s deep grief; I was locked-in to it. It was like I was suddenly sharing it.
I recognized who it was immediately, based on the frequency/vibration of the weeping (this is hard to explain). It was my close friend, Ashley. My friend from the craniosacral appointment (and in the vision before).
I was suddenly connected with her on such a deep level – in real time, I knew intuitively – that it felt like I was with her in the moment of her grief.
I’ll be the first to admit that sounds a lil bit wacko.
But “wacko sounding” doesn’t mean it’s not true.
So what does that “feel” like to know that thats happening? Well…. Think of someone you know very well, someone very close to you. Have you ever empathized with them so much to where you felt their own feelings as your own? Have you ever sat with them in a room, while they were weeping? What did it feel like to be with them, then? Ever been with someone when they were vulnerable as hell and bore their soul to you despite their fear, and shame? Ever held their hand as they trembled? Do you remember what it was like when you sat with them and shared their grief and watched their tears fall? Connected with them on such a deep level, that their pain felt like yours in that moment? That deep feeling of connection -something past it, even- when you’re with them, physically and in the present? Well. That’s what it was like. That suddenly happened – without her “there” at all. It was like being on that same frequency or vibration of connection again, sharing a moment with them again, with that person in real life, but intuitively and deep from somewhere inside yourself. A soul connection. It feels like you’re suddenly “with” them, again, in person, because the essence of the connection in that moment is the same as if you’re with them; the vibration/frequency, is the same as if connecting with them in person; but you’re not with them in person. You are totally connected to them, intuitively, all of the sudden, sharing the same vibration and frequency as them; so deeply connected that you feel what they feel and sometimes feel it as your own. You sense them.
This is hard to explain; it’s intuitive.
But, it can be proven/verified…. so (thankfully) there’s that. (Jesus, I’ve recently re-remembered and re-discovered, spoke of this very same connection; quite often, in fact. But that’s another post for another time….)
So, with the meditation underway, I sat there and “locking in” and sensing Ashley’s grief, and her weeping. It was so, so sad. I sat with her in the midst of it, listening to her and connecting with her soul. The grief was heavy. I was there.
Standing there in the circle of people, I sensed the weeping and grieving was coming from my left. I looked to my left and saw Ashley, almost like a small child crumpled on the floor, weeping.
She was small, dark, and her features were shadowy. Tears streamed from her eyes. I reached down and lifted the child up onto her feet. I took her right hand into my left hand and brought her into the circle, and we all joined hands. Her weeping stopped. I turned now, to my left, and looked at her (I couldn’t see her face before). Her eyes were wide open and afraid, and yet, shining. Strong. And her face was stained with tears and smudges of dirt where they ran. But she was brave. She was so, so brave. It was awe inspiring.
I looked to my right. Rebecca, the craniosacral therapist who invited me, was standing on my right side, holding my right hand with her left in the circle. She seemed taller, and older, but she looked even younger than in real life. She looked at me with a giddy, childlike expression that communicated something like, “Isn’t this amazing?!” Everyone in the circle was now joining hands, making a big circle around the huge ball of light in the middle of us all.
I could hear the group leader encouraging all of us to focus our attention on the giant sphere of energy and light in the middle. I reached out my right hand to touch it (while holding Ashley’s with my left) and I placed my hand upon it.
I looked back at Ashley, into those eyes of fear and that child-like face,
And -in a flash- the scene changed
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I was back in the forest, from my original vision, and looking at the face of the girl.
It was as if the dream was replaying, and that I was in it again.
I found myself walking behind the blacksmith, following him as he walked to the river. He was holding the body of the dead girl in his arms. Her face was revealed, and I was looking at her the knight made the walk through the woods down the path to the river.
The forest was the same, filled with the warm bright golden light that shone thoughout and turned everything it touched into a hue of gold.
The clothes/outfit of the “blacksmith” had changed. Plain clothes were gone; he was dressed as a knight, with sword and pieces of shiny armor and a royal white tunic/garb thingie with some kind of marking and emblem. There was music playing, as we walked. The soft beat of a drum.
Even though I had seen this part of the dream before, it felt different. In the first dream, the walk to the river felt like a sad, mournful funeral. Retaining all of those feelings, it now however like a burial march and walk with intent; a processional; a ceremony. I followed the knight all the way down to the river. He entered the waters, carrying her to them. And he laid her down in the water.
I remember watching and thinking how beautiful this was. It felt so dang sacred.
I remember watching and thinking, “I know what happens next! A snake comes up and takes her under…”
She lay now in the water, her face just above the water line, with the knight still holding her under his arms. I was watching her from above now. There was no life in her face. Her skin was white and cold. The river itself was cold.
She was dead.
The knight held her in the water, and he said some things over her. Though I couldn’t “hear” at all, I could hear it intuitively. It sounded and felt like ritual prayers, or religious recantations of some kind.
He stopped. Everything was silent. He removed his arms, and stepped back.
Then, from out of the water, a golden serpent started circling around her head. Slowly, then rapidly. It seemed to swish around head, circle after circle, faster and faster, her head at once resembling both a kind of crown and a moving, circling, figure-eight of gold spinning endlessly around her head.
The snake swished and swished and swished. The gold was gleaming and flinging sparks of light everywhere.
And then, she sank.
The water was still. I could see her face under it.
It was quiet.
I looked at the knight. He wasn’t turning away to leave. He had no intention of doing so. He stood there, still, watching the water. “What is he waiting for?” I remember thinking. “She’s dead.”
SPLASH Suddenly, her body jolted to life, her head jerking up out of the cold, friggid water. She gasped for breath, deeply as if it were her first gulp of air after drowning. She coughed and spat water everywhere. Her eyes were wide open, wide and alive and afraid, the same as I saw in the group circle. It was surreal I noticed the snake was still on her head
And then – bright flash- the scene changed
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I was looking at the snake on the girls head
And the snake on her head turned into a solid gold snake/crown, the ancient Egyptian kind. A Pharaohs crown, for a Queen. And the crown was on her head, and she was standing on the top of a huge, gleaming pyramid. There are no words to adequately describe how she looked.
I remember thinking/saying “Royal” when I saw her. She was stunning, like some kind of goddess-and-queen. Athena meets Cleopatra. God-Man, woman style. Everything about her, inside and out, was beautiful. Everything she wore was immaculate. Her skin was oiled and smoothed. Her jewelry both thoughtful and regal. She radiated beauty, but equally as much, strength – deep from within. And she stood at the top of the pyramid, with her arms stretched out wide.
In her right right hand, she was holding fruit. In her left hand, she was holding a set of scales (the ancient weighing/measuring kind). And her arms were stretched out wide, holding them high and above the land. She stood solitary, and upright, and she stood alone. I could see the terrain all around her. It looked like ancient egypt or something. This was her land, her people.
Noticeably, there was no King.
She stood alone, by herself at the top of the pyramid.
And no king was needed. There was a MASS of people below her. I could her them all cheering, adoring, worshipping their queen.
I found myself among them now, watching and observing among them below. I cannot express to you the beauty of some of the things I intuited from them: the hope that she the Queen brought them; the joy and gratitude they were all feeling; their true adoration and affection for their Queen; her existence as a reason for hope and a better tomorrow. This was truly her people, she their Queen, and they loved her. I turned and looked up at her in the midst of this praise. She stood there, proud and alone, taking in all of the voices, all of the praises, all of the songs and the praises of the people and the echos that filled the land. It gave her strength; she smiled and radiated love and bright strength.
The mass of people grew greater; it was HUGE now. The praise and the grandeur grew greater, and louder. It was like something epic, something Hollywood could never recreate. This was the QUEEN.
She lifted her head, closing her eyes and relishing in her Queenship. The shouts of praise and the worship of the people rose up to her like incense as offered to heaven; and she breathed it in, lifting her chest and her form to the sky and smiling as she held aloft the fruit in her right and the scales in her left.
I sat there taking all of this in, in astonishment, and in happiness for her. I looked up at her and admired her. She was so beautiful. I was so proud.
And then I heard other types of shouting and praises coming from among the people. I turned and looked. I could see wild-eyed men, some not cleanly shaven, shouting and crying in their worship to her, their worship of her. They salivated as they cried out, they yearned and they shrieked and they craved, and they were under her feet grasping up for her in vain to reach her, worshipping her as unto a goddess. They craved her. They yearned for her and reached for her as if restrained. She was their object of worship and lust, and they clutched and grasped the air for her in a sort of adrenalized, sexualized climatic ecstasy.
And she loved it. She breathed it in. It made her chest swell deep. She lifted her chin higher, her mouth parting as she smiled and she felt it everywhere -everywhere- in her body.
She relished it. She tasted it. She craved it. She gritted her teeth with the power of it.
I noticed my stomach hurting as I watched.
I looked and saw, behind the crowd, some kind of ancient archway or doorway, leading underground. The architecture was ancient looking; something like the word “temple” came to mind ~ but far more holy and ancient and foreboding. The archway above the tunnel passage had religious markings and symbols all over it. The archway contained stairs that led down into some kind of sacred deep dark below, to a complex somplace underground. It felt like a place for priests, but not all priests; a place royalty, or high priests, or both; a place where only few are allowed to go; it felt like it led to a place both holy and terrifying, dark and beautiful, ancient and foreboading, all at once. And sacred AF. It made my bones shake just looking at it.
Then I saw, emerging into the archway, a man ascending the steps, coming up from the place below.
He reached the top and stood under the archway of the passage.
I looked at him, and knew that he was myself.
The man/priest emerged dressed in commoner clothes, with a sort of hooded cloak. It felt as if were purposely blending with everyone else, not going out of his way to be seen or recognized.
I was behind him now, following him as he walked among this MASSIVE group of people.
He walked among them, dressed as one of them in some kind of commoner throw-cloak. He milled about between them, listening to their words and their praises and the echoes of their cries. He watched and observed them, hearing everything and seeing everything and taking it all in. He smelt all their offerings as he walked, taking those in, too.
He looked up at her, and smiled. His eyes were discerning. There was a soft smile of perhaps amusement upon his face; it felt so loving.
He knew her.
Something shifted in his face as he watched her. He could see something the others couldn’t. I looked up at the Queen and noticed/felt what he was seeing: her arms were struggling. They were beginning to quiver, and then lower, ever so slightly. Then more. It was just too much. The man saw this, and pushed his way through crowd to the foot of the pyramid. The people here near the front were concerned. They were the closest to her, and from here they too could see the Queen was exhausted.
But they could not help.
No one could help. She is the Queen; no one is to approach her.
The man approached the base of the pyramid, placed his hands on the blocks, and prepared to climb.
The reaction of the people was immediate: cries to get off the steps, shouts and accusations of impropriety, curses upon the head of this man, call the authorities, who do you you think you are? In response, he turned to them and he removed his cloak and garment. He was dressed like a slave underneath, a servant; naked but for a servants towel wrapped around his waist. They shouted at this even more. They shouted at him as he did – how dare he, a bottom of the barrel servant and slave, approach the Queen? He heard their cries, and turned away from them, facing the pyramid.
In his left hand, he held crook. In his right hand, he held a bright orb of shining light. He smiled as he climbed, fixing his eyes on the Queen. They radiated with unconditional love.
He climbed.
The Queen’s eyes were closed. She could not see. She was struggling to focus under the weight; she must hold… her determination was so strong. But she was struggling. Her arms felt like they were nearly at her side.
When the man reached the top, the shouts of the people shifted. They were worried, and they cried out in horror, hoping to alert the Queen as if an attacker was upon her.
She opened her eyes. Same wild eyes as in the circle…. Same wild eyes as in the river….. she with those with wild eyes and she saw the man –
And relief flooded her face. Instantly.
The people were shocked; confused. WTF was going on?
The man moved behind her, placed his arms under hers, and gently raised them back up into the sky. And he stood there, holding her arms up, lifting them back up into the sky. I cant describe to you how beautiful this was.
Joy flooded her. Peace filled her. Tranquility washed over her. And her strength was renewed.
He stepped back and watched her. She was smiling, and her smile was true.
The relief flooded down to the people and they were lost in wonderment. And then he stepped onto her right hand side, and stood there. He turned and looked at her, and she him, and they smiled. And the the man lifted up his arms, holding out the crook staff and the orb of light, and they stood there together. They turned and faced the people, and they held high the gifts in their hands, radiating them among the people and the land.
And then -FLASH- the scene changed.
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Suddenly, we were underground, and in a deep dark place.
It felt like a tomb. Or the place of the dead. A hall of final judgement.
It was pitch black dark, except for the orb of light glowing in my right hand.
I was dressed differently. I wearing royal clothes, and some kind of richly ornate ceremonial garb. It was ancient, too, or it felt like it. I think I was wearing an animal skin.
I was standing behind her, now. And she was in front, walking forward. She was wearing the same, with her crown, and holding out the fruit in her right hand and the scales in her left. She was walking forward, and I following behind her. Now…. I simply cannot describe to you the TERROR and the fear that she was feeling. I have never – in my life – felt anything like it. I have no words for it.
She trembled and shook as she walked forward. Her arms shook, not from lack of strength, but from fear at what lay ahead.
I held the orb of light out in front and she slowly walked. The walls around us were marked with what looked like Egyptian hyrolgyphs and ancient symbols and other markings and art. We looked like some kind of moving hieroglyph against the walls as we walked. It felt sacred (for me)
But more than anything, it was terrifying for her. Her fear and her terror…I simply cannot reiterate…. so much of it came from the fact that she walked alone, and that there was no hiding from what was up ahead. And that she had to face whatever was forward, for herself, and fully exposed in front of it.
As we made our way through the passage, the light from the orb revealed a huge – and I mean HUGE – wolf/dog faced-man sitting in a chair in front of us. It was a massive statute, but it wasn’t a statue. His face was dark and misty and terrible and ancient looking.
She stood there in the dark before him.
I helped her arms up. The scales in her left, and the fruit in her right. And I stepped back.
The dog/wolf being lowered his head and looked at her.
She was so afraid. GAH the fear…. Down here, she was out out her element. Down here, she was powerless and without control or ability to resist. The guilt and the shame she was feeling only made her more terrified.
Suddenly, a beam of light emerged from him the wolf/dog-faced god someplace, and the beam shone upon her. Her fear and her terror gave way to pain. The light began to burn her, deeply. She cried out, she screamed. It was so painful. She stood there, holding out her arms, as the light burned and seared her as she screamed out in pain.
It felt like she was being incinerated.
Then something amazing happened. Standing behind her, I raised arms and hands towards her, and out from them came a torrential flood of water, ever flowing. It was like something from a movie. I held my arms out, high towards her, and the water washed over her and soothed her burns. As the beam of light continued from the dog/wolf, so too did the water come and wash over her- it was cold, and it cooled her skin, and it stayed the heat from the sizzle and the burn.
The light intensified – and so too the water. The force of the rushing water surged and negated the pain as the light shone upon her
And then “I woke up”
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We had a group debriefing time following this session.
All of us shared what we experienced.
I shared my experience aloud the whole group.
Rebecca was there; she heard.
