November 15, ’21
I was in my master bathroom having a sexual encounter with AL. She approached me, and though I was guarded, I slowly became open, and I received her. She was intentional, meticulous, and in charge. After a while, we moved to the bedroom, at her leading.
She turned off all the lights. When she did, AL turned into a woman from years ago that I was very attracted to (SB), and she me (but we were both married at the time). I knew intuitively that it was AL that did this, led me from the bathroom and into the bedroom just for it to turn into another person on this particular encounter. I felt hurt; I could feel it in my stomach.
SB and I talked about what we were doing, and what this was. It was an honest, clear, level-headed conversation, and I felt free to speak openly and honestly. The honesty invigorated me. We looked back with perspective, at all the events that have happened over our lives the past 20 years, and the roads that led us to where we are today, and we laughed, and we were thankful, and we remembered that we are mature adults and free from the judgements of others, and then we f***ed.
I was in charge. I was on point. I was unreal.
The experience made all others (only two) seem like this was the first time, the only time, I’ve truly f***ed.
I felt like a Man.
I stood up from the bed and walked into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection. I was impressed and in awe with what I saw. I felt like a man; like a god. The mirror reflection smiled at me, cocked its head to the side, and said “Dionysus.” I felt a bit creeped out. I asked my reflection who Dionysus is. The reflection became annoyed, rolled his eyes, and said “Look it up.”
Then my reflection’s face grew quite serious, and someone else spoke it, and said “the gods are within you. You will need us for your journey ahead.”
And then I woke up.