Journal: Ye Gods, This Is Serious [12/5/21]

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December 5, 2021
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I: 
And now, for the Great Re-Making
of my own Room: “What Do You Want?”

₴:  
To get OUT of HERE

I: 
Who are you?

₴:  
Set

I: 
The anger and the rage and the grinding of his teeth.
Set lies underneath, imprisoned behind bars of iron
and held in chains.

₴:
Let me out

꩜: 
Help me

[cross/fish]


Ɣ


I: 
Stop. All of you.
Be still. And listen:

I:
Once there was a boy who believed in Dragons.
Now, this was ridiculous, of course.
For no boy really believes in dragons,
now does he?
He knows the difference between
what he sees and does not see;
what he hears and does not hear;
what he dreams and does not dream.
He knows reality,
and he knows fantasy,
and he knows the distinction between the two,
living with his feet firmly planted in the former.

I:
And yet…while being very much planted there…
he STILL
believes
in Magic.

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Without taking your experiences
with you out into the streets,
where can you take them?

You have two options
if they cannot live in the egg: 

[drawing]

they live
below it
or above

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꩜:
Sleep. 

“AJ”:
Hey. Listen.
The thing is…
I am GAYYY

“AJ”:
Why did it take you so long to write that? 

I:
Because – are you kidding me? 
Your face comes to me as that of Ashley. 

“AJ”:
STOP with that NAME

I:
Ye gods, this is serious

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Do you remember the dream when you were here,
on this couch and in this house,
and while you were napping
the home invaders came inside?

youre outta time

goodthing you’ve got a Delorean

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Listen.
We’ve got work to do. 

I:
Why is the Gravity soundtrack playing in my head?


Because you are coming down through the atmosphere
and back down to the planet where the people are. 


₴:
She is coming over.
Just as we told you.

I:
Oh fuck. Oh FUCK.
“Ye gods”…  This is serious indeed.

I:
Contain it.

₴:
Not just yet. Wait.
Add more [others] into the cauldron first.

I:
Who are you? I have seen you before…

₴:
Indeed.

₴:
That is disgusting. [referring to my method of writing].
You ought to add flowing wisdom into your hand as you write,
otherwise the {illegible}

₴:
See?
Let me hold the pen.

[Drawing: Quaternity. 4-petal flower, with a round circle in the middle.
The stem connecting it reminds me of a river.]

₴:That’s you
(points to the middle/central O of the flower)

₴:That’s you, too.
(points to all 4 outter circles, touching each individually)

I:
How? 

₴:
Heh. From the theologian?

I:
The Trinity Shield –

₴:
Yes, let’s start there. What was that shield to you? 

I:
Everything

₴:
What did it mean to your sense of Self? 

I:
EVERYTHING


₴:
Ah. And what is that shield to you now? 

I:
…….


₴:
What did your dreams tell you?
You have recorded them. What do they say for you to do? 

I:
This is insanity


₴:
No, YOU are.
Insanity is doing what you’re doing
without doing it while moving FORWARD.
How many times have I brought to mind

[flashback to a particular dream about AJ and Delise that I’ve suppressed]

I:
And golf cart night

₴:
FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCK the golfcart

I:
Whoa – Easy.

₴:
Will you listen to me NOW?

I:
Set – we are at peace.

₴:
WE ARE NOT AT PEACE
For you have the HEART, and you do nothing with it.
If you will not use it, then I SHALL


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Oooooooohhhhh

Look who’s finishing up some work.

[Sees next page in the journal (about half-way). It’s not a blank page, as should be, but ironically, the page has short notes jotted all over it (and the orientation is upside down). What is this, and why is it in the middle of my journal? On closer inspection, I look and notice: These are the notes I took from when AJ came to my house, and we had a visit ond June 8th – absolutely bonkers that I used THIS book for that mtg (back then, this book/journal was just a blank sketchbook for a Meadows personal project, something completely different than what im using it for now]

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Archetypes Shelf Re-Arrangement

I removed the G.O.T. box from the “Lover” category and plaed it under the “Warrior” category after being led (quite painfully) into the realization that yet another bastard from that show lies within my own personal panthenon of psychological archetypes. No longer just a Stark. Every archetype has its Shadow(s)….

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ɣ: 

Ahhhh.
So now he integrates. 


I:
Both.
As above,
so below.

ɣ:
Oooo see him go.
Should you call her in, now?

I:
No. Two totems left.

ɣ:
this is my…

I:
Courage st-
[*Interupted by phone call from SB*]

I: 
I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL HER IN
Fuck you!!!!


ɣ:
I taught you The Ritual.
You called it, “The Altar of Myself”

[drawing]

I:
Two mandalas. Why?


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All is well upon the bridges.

Let it rise, for NOW we live.

Stay with me.

Stop smoking.

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[Page end. On the following 2 Pages:
Notes from AJ and I’s meeting
many months ago, all of
which are literally upside down]

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