DREAM JOURNAL: “Shower” [Aug. 2020]

1st Week of August, 2020

I found myself standing in a 4-clawfoot shower tub in what felt like the middle of some of royal bathroom or spa. The tub/shower was surrounded by a luxurious, semi-transparent curtain. The setting felt extremely intimate and intentional. The feeling of eroticism in the setting was thick and palpable – and it felt equally sacred, and regal. I remember feelings of curiosity, a deep sense of “wherever this is, this is a very intense moment” and both fear & love at the sheer, utter intimacy/vulnerability of the dream. It was very intense.

The water above me begins to flow down over my body. It is warm, and feels wonderful. The room fills with steam and whisps and scents of eucalyptus and fragrances and oils.

At this point in the dream, I suddenly see R.H. standing across from me, at the far end of the shower/tub. She is standing there completely naked as well, and smiling at me.

It feels as if she brought me here – or was familiar with this place, or knew something about “here” that I did not.

R.H. walked towards me. I remember feeling afraid, but excited.

She placed her hand on my chest. When she did, there was a soft pink hue that began to glow and fill the area where we stood. It was warm, loving, accepting, beautiful. Feelings of safety and love and genuine, sincere, life-giving connection filled the space. She leaned in and kissed me on the mouth, and the pink hue swelled and became more colorful, more pink. The feelings described earlier swelled and grew – and added in were now feelings like appreciation, gratitude and thankfulness, desire to reciprocate, etc. (I also remember being shocked and surprised at the lack of mere banal/carnal “sexuality” behind the moment – it wasn’t “sexual” (at least not in the way we think of the word) at all.

R.H. pulled back after kissing me, looked at me smiling, and exited the tub. I was confused as to where she was going. After exiting, she pulled back the sheer, semi-transparent curtain, and stepped to the other side of it. She turned, and I could see her through the curtain. She was looking at me, and smiling – watching. Waiting.

I knew intuitively then that she had brought me here, and that her personal role and purpose of being in the tub was to create the pink hue. I also knew intuitively that with this now accomplished, she had also prepared the tub/shower (and me?) for the arrival of another.

She stood outside the tub, looking in through the curtain, and smiling. Knowing she was expecting another, I turned and looked and across from me in the tub/shower was A.L.

She stood across from me in the tub/shower, completely naked, and staring deeply into my eyes. I felt a rush of passion, vigor, and relief. It felt like a homecoming. She walked towards me, similar to the way R.H. had done earlier. When A.L. approached me, the pink hue was present between us and already glowing. Our faces grew closer together and we stared at each other, breathing and smiling. Even without a kiss, the pink glow began to glow even brighter, swelling and filling the whole tub, as if coming from out of both us.

I remembering feeling (1) Joy and Elation (2) Love (3) Fear (4) Exposed – R.H. was standing outside the curtain, and watching. And it struck me that this too was purposeful, and must be.

I remember experiencing great pride in that moment; I also remember feeling personal sadness from R.H., watching outside the tub; but this feeling was only fleeting and quickly outweighed and overshadowed by her absolute pride and joy – and honor being in the room to witness this moment, even behind the curtain.

A.L Rather than placing her hand on my chest, A.L. placed her hand on my groin, quite intimately and intentionally. There was no goofiness between us, and no fear, and no reactions of “shock” or distractions of humor – it was absolutely stripped of all of that – and it was utterly beautiful to watch the persona’s (of both of these people) dissolve away completely. there was no shame, no hiding, no running – fully exposed, and fully BEing.

The pink hue was suddenly replaced by a deep hue that began to swell and fill the shower area. Heightened and deepened came feelings of passion, relief, love, intimacy, peace, vulnerability, etc. – and in swept feelings of romance, eroticism, passion, animalistic energy, and absolute sheer unconditional Love – all forms and expressions of that word in One. The hue went beyond pink, and deep into red, and then past it – it included all of them, but it went deeper, deep deep down down down – to the very root of someplace. Everything reverberated steadily and cyclically, and it felt like one long, extended, balanced and sober-minded orgasm. The feeling was profound – I’ve never seen, felt, or heard or anything like it. The hue deepened, going now from red to somekind of purple (#colorblind) and, like the mist in the room and scents in the air, the hue filled the room with sense of deep, unfiltered intimacy; and a steady vigor swept into the room as if something were now allowed to finally breathe – life returning, and all the color – gone from its source and leaving it lifeless – came slowly flooding back. It was heavy in that place – I’ve never seen anything like it.

As R.H. looked on, I could feel her joy and pride in watching the moment. I could also see/feel her sadness. She did not betray this at all her presented persona – which I also spotted and thought odd (the hiding) – and sad.

And yet, her watching on prompted me on to be true, especially to myself, and it freed me – it seemed to encourage me all the more to be me, as if I was reminded to not let what’s outside the curtain affect or take away from what was now inside (which showed me that it could)

And then I woke up.

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