2/11.2

2/11/22

Walking back inside the house from after my meeting with “Wu Tan” (??). Head swimming with the encounter that just happened. The clarity of it, the undeniable reality of all of these experiences and experiments with “The Unconcious” the past several months….

The visions and visitations; the intuitions, and the synchronicities; encounters with my father and JC; meeting Holding Eagle, Chaak Tok Ichaak, Corn Mother and The Old-Woman-Who-Never-Dies; people from history like Jaques and Eliot and and many, many more….. Incessant dreams and visions of AJ and the medicine wheel, and one of them with us and the wheel inside the long hallway of Winston…. the crazy, inexplicable timing of things, the guides and other energetic forces/visitors pushing me towards the I Ching and giving instructions for me to follow…. all of them while JC silently looks on, mysteriously pulling the strings and leading all of it.

And now “Wu Tan”

“Wu Tan”?  What kind of name is that? I make a note on my task list to research the name and its meaning later. I go back and look at the page again. “Wu Tan” it says indeed. My mind thinks of Wu Tang Clan and I can’t help but feel a pang of hurt at this being something made up.

And I suddenly feel that all of this is so stupid, so silly, so dumb.

And just plan crazy. 

I can hear (and, feel somehow) the voice of my ego acting as the spokesperson of my inner fear, trying to distance myself from myself from the whole ordeal (along with all of the ordeals before this one).

And yet, from this present headspace of utter clarity and dumbfounded perspective, in this moment and on this plain, I’m able to spy those old familiar gut reactions as belonging to something more like Fear personified, with Ego acting as immediate faux proxy for Fear and leaps to instinctively suppress the moment and conditions causing it. And by recognizing there, and accepting him there, I’m able to recognize the bleeding achilles heel hidden in his argument and motivations: Ego’s initial hail of his own “instinct” as the ultimate claim for his defense seems here, in fact, a rather cheap and deceptive excuse for something more like willful suppression; and, much much worse, conscious indifference; a deadly, soul-killing red-herring in disguise delivered by the self-appointed as Self’s proprietor and the single-shot spokesperson for Self’s immediate care (and decisions); an “instinctive” quick-fire reaction that has proven itself to be, time and time again, unreliable, misplaced, destructive, and even harmful. Death to the soul.

And so I breathe, and accept everything. 

I enter the house holding the I Ching given to me by Wu Tan. At the forefront of my mind when I received it was the conflict I was feeling, about my own heart and my life, and the date I was about to go on with her that evening, and the larger conflict I felt myself caught in because of it. How the heck am I supposed to “date”? How is that fair to anyone? Why “meet people” when my feelings, my heart, my vision, and my commitment are tied to someone else? At what point do you even tell a person that? Could I even not tell them? (Old me could) How do you even begin to? Most times, I can’t even explain it to my own self.

What am I supposed to do with that? 

Accept it, and own it, I suppose. All of it.

I look for the I Ching book I purchased on intuition, months ago, from Half Price Books. It was an odd purchase, but I followed the leading.

And now I fully understand why. 

I look on the front of the book and notice that the forward is written by CG Jung.

I chuckle. Of course it was.

I take a look at the Hexagram given to me by Wu Tan.

I flip to the front of the book, and consult the Hexagram Key to find out what Hexagram this is.  

So, the Hexagram he gave me is Hexagram 6.

But I’m still not done, for the reading contains two “changing lines” (lines 1 and 3; the “dots” on the Hexagram 6 image). Not only will these changing lines provide a more-specific Hexagram 6 message; it also means that there will be TWO hexagrams for this reading, as the changing lines on 1 and 3 in Hexagram 6 will, eventually, turn it into Hexagram 1.

So, two Hexagrams for this reading: the first one (Hexagram 6) and then the second (Hexagram 1, which is made by the two changing lines from Hexagram 6). 

Coincidentally, Hexagram 1 was the first I Ching reading given at my first I Ching reading. I spot the connection and association, and in my body I intuit a deep, hidden, mysterious purpose behind it.

So, with the current predicament of YZ on my mind, and sensing that the I Ching had something very important to say about this, I open the book and begin to read the meaning of Hexagram 6….. 

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