“Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it – it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.”
– Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
“As many of us have found out, silence can be violence when it is used in an effort to wound. It is one of the most potent ways to cause deep suffering. And it’s a very effective strategy, particularly when utilized on highly relational beings, because highly relational beings are built for dialogue. They are ready, willing, and able to process the material that comes up between them and those they are connected to. They don’t know any other way.
When they are denied that opportunity, they suffer. And not just on an emotional level – they suffer immunologically as well. They become more at risk of disease when the bridge to expression is blocked. Because all those unsaid words and unprocessed feelings congeal inside, weakening their physical well-being.
If you are someone who is still caring the remnants of unresolved material that was denied expression by silent treatment, do your best to move that material through you. If you can’t do it with the silencing aggressor, do it with a therapist, or with another friend. Don’t allow someone else’s silence to imprison you in the museum of old paint. Express it fully, move it on through. It’s yours for the keeping.”
– Jeff Brown, Hearticulations