May 28, 2022
CGJ: Breathe. Breathe, my boy. Breathe. Come back to me. To me. To me.
CGJ: A child who does not want to breathe? There is no such thing.
CGJ: A child who does not want to fear? The world is full of them. They are mostly adults.
CGJ: When a child is afraid, what does it do? When a child is scared in its bed at night, are there monsters? Are there things crawling under the bed? Is there something in the closet? Or the wardrobe?
CGJ: A child…. what does it do? Most children cover their head, under the covers. “I am afraid.” Why? Perhaps not “why?”; Perhaps look at the child. Just look. Look at the child. What does it do? It is afraid; what does it do? It covers overhead. Why? Well…. look. What is the child doing?
CGJ: We know that fear comes through the eyes. What does the child see that triggered the fear? NOTHING. The Child saw nothing, and yet… Fear. Why? Is fear not real? Look at the child. Fear is real. It is substantial. It is measurable. It is observable. It is here; just look at the child. It has become a thing when it was not a thing. It has become some thing. For proof of this, measure the heart rate. Those numbers are real. Fear is real. From whence did it come? The Child’s answer tells you: they are one and the same. The reaction is the answer; the answer is the reaction: “Look away.” Well, if perhaps the answer is “look away”, perhaps the Child looks to the Bible on the desk rather than to the darkness in the corner of the room ahead. But Fear exists, in the room.
[unknown]: Who…are… you…Luke?
CGJ: When a Child is afraid, it covers its head with a blanket in the bed. Look away. Imagine something else.
I: Or, take the advice of Casey who told me when I was a child: if you can’t get rid of something in the room, or something in your head she said to call on the one thing that – every time – they’ll flee from. She said look at them and say “Jesus” and “In Jesus name… I command you to go away.” And they will. They will.
CGJ: Fear. In the room.
*a shadow approaches, and…*
I (to the shadow): Why are you hitting me?
CGJ (to me): Use the right hand. I can see your left.
*A dark vision approaches. Panic, fear, terror, and grief sweep over me. I cry out in helpless horror.*
I: Wait… that’s not mine. That’s not mine. Who’s is it?
*A shaft of light shines through, dissipating the darkness. I collapse, exhausted.*
CGJ: Look. I understand. I do. But you must learn the balance. If you do not, it will swallow you whole. It HAS swallowed you whole – and brought you to me. So, find the gold. Let it swallow you. Let it eat you up. Let it bring you down, every time, so that you might rise with the gold in your hands, as if you have found the elixir of life, again and again and again and again. Is this not what Thoth told you? Fortune is yours. Wisdom for you. This no fairy tale, boy.
I: I don’t want it.
I: In the name of Jesus….
CGJ: Come back. Come back. To me. To me. To me to me to me… NOW.
CGJ: Listen. Time is short.Hear the laughter. Would it not be laughter? The Sword and The Mind: You must read the next chapterof this Sword and the Mind. Come; we go.
I: You’re gonna be my guide?
CGJ: Yes! Come. We go!
CGJ: First…. lets see… warmth for your feet.
I: *laughing* What?
CGJ: Yes! Warmth for your feet! Do you like them hot or cold?
I: Um….warm, would be nice.
CGJ: Warm, he says. *spotting my shoes* Shoes? Oh, no no no no… No shoes. No shoes. Socks are ok. Now then: warmth for your arms. Yes. A vest. Do you have another vest? You must make a new vest! What are your options? Ah yes – that one will do. Go ahead and put it on. Speak the words as you do.
I: Ok. “In the name of myself…”
CGJ: Yes, boy.
I: *laughing* please stop calling me that
CGJ: Why? You must remember him.
I: Ok. “In the name of the boy who was slain, I become him.”
CGJ: Good boy. What about the father?
I: They are one.
CGJ: Yes, boy. They are one.
I: Can I….. ask you questions that you don’t have the answer to?
I: There are some things that were off limits to Jesus. For he to do them would mean an end to the law.
I: But what about after his death? When the requirements of the law were now fullfilled?
*interupted by a vision*
I: What are we doing?
CGJ: You were supposed to put on your vestibules or whatever it was to remember this as a sacred moment, and yet you’re still doing that thing which is killing you and *sigh*
CGJ: Come come come. Calm down. Breathe. Breathe, my boy.
CGJ: Listen to me: you cannot enter the holy of holies so lightly.
CGJ: Remember what you were taught. If this is such a home for you, then for this place you must treat it as such. What does that stay about the state of your own psyche that you could treat the place and your thoughts in such a disjointed and disjunctive manner? There must be order. You studied this. You know this. You are at odds with your Self.
CGJ: You claim that this is a holy of holies moment for you. And you claim this because it IS as such. And yet… there is a shadow nearby. For if one were to walk in and see with their own eyes what they see, what would they see? A holy moment on fire, outside itself and outside order.
CGJ: You blame Set for the fire and the disorder.
I: No more.. please….
*another vision ensues*
Text transcript from audio recording on 5/28/22