Twin Notes X

TS –

So much to say….. I have so many things to write about now….. Yet, without gathering all my thoughts, allow me to rant unedited about one thing currently burning on my heart.

Let us pause….

And reflect upon today. We must NOT forget today. Ever. The great gift of today. Having it set before us, as an example to cling to and never lose hold of. EVER.

Indeed, let us reflect upon the entire year itself….

When thinking about this year
and lessons we have learned….
They are countless. So many.
We’ve barely scratched the surface
in our feeble and brave attempts
to share them within the confines
of a few hours

There are so many
so so many
I have learned.
you have learned.
We have learned.
So many lessons,
so many testings,
so many fiery furnaces
that we have been forced to learn
individually
and all alone
in the middle
of a deep dark wood.

And today
I can say
Praise God
For that
For it is making us,
Individually,
Into who we know each other
to be. The Truth
of it ALL.

For we have been
given – assigned, even –
these lessons, for our formation.
In this way, these lessons
are the highest form
of grace.

Lessons that can only be learned
the hardest possible way.
lessons few other humans
Will ever have the terrible
and beautiful privilege
of learning.

Lessons that
refine us
test us
grow us
and – yes –
prove us
to be what we
truly are.
The shape
of what is True.

Individual lessons
that burn away
what needs to be burned
that peels back what must
be peeled back.
Lessons that purifying us both
with a holy bath
of refining fire
sent from heaven
to choke out the weeds
in the individual hearts
of our respective
garden grounds;
so that the new
and the good
and the right
and the true
might flourish
and grow –
GROW I say –
like never before.

Lessons that are
making us
molding us
forming us
ripping us apart
and putting us back
together again
into the shape
we know – especially now –
to be True.

And thank God
for that lesson

The beauty of it all
The reality of it all
the weight of it all
the wonder of it all
the goddamn Truth of it all
is terrifying.
And this is expected,
for we are standing
before something
mysteriously – overwhelmingly
Divine.

Without the time and space
for presence and communication
(the basic requirement for the flourishing of any human relationship)
we will never fully know
what those individual lessons are
in terms of what the other person is experiencing.
(We aren’t God, after all…)
And this kills us both.
It feels wrong to not share them
to not know them
to not shoulder them for the other
as we always have
and rightly so.
And so it kills us. Burns us.
somewhere deep in the bones.
And we both burn with a desire
to share them.
To know them
To confirm them
To be understood
To be heard
To be known.

But we have been given
a gift, in this.
These are lessons
that make us more –
greater, even –
than we ever were before.

So many lessons.
So many happenings.
So many events.
It killed my heart today
to not be able to share them all.
To show them all.
To know them all.
To have what is rightly ours.
And I know you feel the same.

when the proper day comes,
it will be an absolute joy
to unpack them.
To share them.
To honor and hold them.
To be blessed with their existence
and watch them dance.
To experience the joy of
seeing them be given air to breathe,
and the light of day to exist in;
to see them dance with.

And we will.
We WILL.

Today,
among many other things,
I felt the weight of it all,
this burden of not having
the time or space required
for them to exist and be shared.
It is impossible
to unpack them all
in a single sitting.
So much time is required.
And this impossibility
is our burden to not only bear
But to feel – to FEEL –
and to pay attention
to what our soul feels like
when it’s not permitted
to be what IS.

Our feet have separately
and individually
plodded across thousands of miles;
a million steps
across our appointed landscapes.

And though we can’t unpack them all
May we commit ourselves
To feel
Not only the weight of the lacking
But to REMEMBER this day
as a small example
and morsel of hope
that we can taste
And experience
And forever remember
And recall, especially
when the night comes again
which -we’ve learned- it surely will.

And when it comes
We will again be put into the fire
Because we are so loved by God.
And when we are put into the dark again,
maybe we learn from today, TRULY
LEARN from today…. of what will happen.
We will fear
We will fall
We will doubt
And then
The night comes
And projections will take form
in the shadows
like monsters in the night.

And our confidence
Will be used against us,
Lacking the opportunity
to connect and confirm
What we’re seeing and experiencing
Individually.

TS
We cannot – must not –
forget the lesson we learned
today:

That when we come together
Even if only for a few moments
And share our experiences
And compare them
The result is
(1) The absolute dispellation
of the shadows that lie to us
and that we make up and believe
And
(2) the absolute confirmation
of what knew then, Know now,
and always will know.

Today I learned
even MORE than ever
that what I KNOW
is True.

And I thank God
with tears in my eyes
and gratitude in my soul
that the hardest lessons I‘ve had to learn
Is that I do not need anyone – ANYONE –
to approve of me
to validate me
to understand me
to agree with me
especially when it comes to
what IS.

May we both
be encouraged
by today.
By seeing what happens
when the sharing of presence
and events
only further prove
(as if it even needed it)
of what IS.
And always will be.
I have given up resisting
against what’s True.
It’s a battle I’ll never win
and never have to. It’s a battle
I don’t need to fight.
It’s merely a purposeful pain we must
Feel Deeply
Learn from
And respond to
As best we know how.

it’s a lesson
That – in the end,
as we saw today –
leads to growth
and proving
the shape
of us.

And
we are,
forever,
Us.

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